The holiday season, often portrayed as a time of joy and celebration, can also bring stress, financial pressure, and emotional challenges. For many, the culture of gifting, high expectations, and rising expenses overshadow the true essence of the holidays—connection, reflection, and love. This Christmas, let’s explore ways to navigate the season mindfully and rediscover what matters most.

Christmas often comes with the expectation to spend—on gifts, decorations, travel, and gatherings. With rising costs and financial pressures, this can feel overwhelming. Social media and advertising amplify the pressure to give lavish gifts, equating material items with love and success.
However, it’s essential to remember that your worth is not tied to what you can buy. Meaningful relationships aren’t built on price tags but on presence, connection, and thoughtfulness. Handwritten notes, shared meals, or time spent together can hold far more value than the latest gadget.

High expectations can make the holidays feel like a test of perfection. Perfect meals, perfectly wrapped gifts, and perfect family moments—these ideals are unrealistic and can leave you feeling inadequate. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on nurturing relationships.
Here’s how to shift your perspective:

• Prioritize Connection: Spend time with people who uplift and support you. A phone call or heartfelt conversation can be more meaningful than a gift.
• Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no to gatherings or traditions that feel draining. Prioritize what brings you peace and joy.
• Practice Gratitude: Reflect on what you have rather than what’s missing. Gratitude can ground you during the chaos.

The holidays can bring unresolved pain to the surface. Broken relationships, family tensions, or memories of loved ones who are no longer here can trigger old wounds. Loneliness may also feel more acute during this season when societal messages emphasize togetherness.

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or hurt. Suppressing emotions often intensifies them, so give yourself permission to grieve or process unresolved feelings.
• Seek Support: You are not alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a counsellor if you need to talk. Sharing your feelings can bring relief and understanding.
• Create New Traditions: If old traditions bring pain, consider creating new ones that reflect your current values and circumstances.

For those navigating loneliness or estranged relationships, the holidays can feel isolating. Triggers—whether they’re old family dynamics, past hurts, or unmet expectations—can surface and make the season particularly challenging.

• Ground Yourself: Use mindfulness techniques to stay present when old triggers arise. Focus on your breath or engage in grounding exercises like listing things you can see, hear, and feel.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. You are good enough, exactly as you are, regardless of what the season brings.
• Reach Out: Community events, volunteering, or online support groups can provide connection and remind you that you are not alone.

The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on where you’ve been and where you’re headed. Instead of focusing solely on holiday pressures, consider how you can use this time for personal growth and intention-setting.

• Reflect: What lessons have you learned this year? What relationships, values, or experiences brought you joy?
• Look Forward: What do you hope for in the coming year? Consider small, meaningful steps you can take toward your goals or well-being.
• Celebrate Yourself: Surviving and navigating another year is an accomplishment. Take time to acknowledge your resilience.

The holidays can be complex—a mix of joy, pain, nostalgia, and hope. If you feel overwhelmed, lonely, or triggered, remember that you are not alone. Many others share these struggles, even if they’re not visible.
Consider reaching out to loved ones or a counsellor if you need support. You are good enough just as you are, and you deserve kindness, care, and peace this holiday season.  Book a free 15 min consultation to explore counselling in Coquitlam

At its core, Christmas is about connection—not just with others but with yourself. It’s a chance to honor relationships, nurture your well-being, and find meaning beyond materialism. Whether this season is filled with loved ones or quiet reflection, know that you have the strength to navigate it with grace and resilience.
This Christmas, let go of perfection, embrace what truly matters, and remind yourself: you are enough.

“Stories are the way we understand our world.” This simple idea lies at the heart of narrative therapy. It’s a therapeutic approach that empowers individuals to separate themselves from their problems, understand the stories they live by, and ultimately, rewrite these narratives to shape their lives in a more positive direction. In this blog, we’ll dive into what narrative therapy is, how it works, and how it can help people redefine their experiences and identities.

​Narrative therapy is a collaborative, non-pathologizing form of counseling developed in the 1980s by Michael White and David Epston. It is based on the idea that we all create stories about our lives—stories that shape how we view ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. These narratives can be empowering and positive, but they can also be limiting or even harmful, especially when they center on problems, failures, or negative experiences.

The key insight of narrative therapy is that the problem is the problem—not the person. In other words, our problems do not define us; they are simply elements of our life story. By externalizing these problems and exploring alternative narratives, we can gain a sense of agency and transform our relationship with the challenges we face.

1. ​Externalization: One of the foundational techniques of narrative therapy is externalizing the problem. Instead of seeing the problem as an inherent part of who we are, narrative therapy encourages us to view it as something separate. For example, rather than saying, "I am anxious," one might say, "Anxiety is something that affects me." This shift helps to reduce feelings of shame and self-blame, making it easier to explore and address the issue.

2. ​Exploring the Narrative: Narrative therapy invites clients to explore the stories they tell about themselves. What are the dominant narratives in their lives? Are they stories of resilience, failure, love, or fear? Through this exploration, clients begin to identify which narratives have been helpful and which have been limiting.

3. ​Identifying Unique Outcomes: During therapy, clients are encouraged to identify moments in their lives when they have successfully resisted or overcome a problem. These are known as "unique outcomes"—instances that don’t fit the dominant problem-saturated narrative. Recognizing these moments can help clients build a richer, more empowering story about who they are and what they are capable of.

4. ​Re-authoring: In narrative therapy, clients have the opportunity to “re-author” their lives by creating new, more positive narratives. This process involves identifying values, strengths, and skills that support the new story, helping clients to see themselves in a different light and to develop a sense of hope and possibility.

​5. Collaborative Approach: Narrative therapy is a collaborative process where the therapist and client work together as equals. The therapist is not seen as the “expert” who has all the answers. Instead, they serve as a guide, helping clients explore and reshape their stories in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to them.

A typical narrative therapy session involves deep conversations about the client’s life stories. Here’s an example of how it might unfold:
Sarah feels overwhelmed by a sense of failure in her career. In therapy, she constantly refers to herself as a “failure” and believes she’ll never be successful. Her therapist encourages her to externalize the problem by asking questions like, “When did failure first become a part of your story?” or “How has the idea of failure affected your life?”
As Sarah begins to separate herself from the problem, she recalls moments when she overcame challenges or achieved things she’s proud of—like the time she managed a difficult project at work or the support she offered to a colleague. These unique outcomes challenge her dominant narrative of failure and open the door to a new story about resilience, adaptability, and growth.

Narrative therapy is highly versatile and can be applied to various issues, including:

• Anxiety and depression: By separating themselves from their problems, clients can feel less overwhelmed and more in control.
• Relationship issues: Narrative therapy can help individuals and couples explore and reframe the stories they tell about themselves and their relationships.
• Trauma and loss: Re-authoring can assist clients in finding meaning and strength in the face of difficult experiences.
• Identity and self-esteem issues: Narrative therapy encourages clients to explore multiple facets of their identity, helping them build a richer, more empowering self-concept.

​At the core of narrative therapy is the belief that language and storytelling are powerful tools. How we talk about ourselves and our experiences shapes how we see the world. If we repeatedly tell ourselves stories of failure, inadequacy, or hopelessness, we’re likely to feel stuck and powerless. But when we begin to tell new stories—stories of strength, resilience, and possibility—we open up new avenues for change and growth.

​Even if you’re not in therapy, you can start to apply some principles of narrative therapy in your daily life:

Narrative therapy is more than just a therapeutic technique; it’s a way of seeing ourselves as authors of our own lives. It reminds us that, even in the face of adversity, we have the power to reshape our stories and find new ways of understanding who we are. By stepping into the role of storyteller, we can begin to write a narrative that honors our strengths, values, and aspirations—a narrative that celebrates who we truly are and the potential we have to create a life filled with meaning and purpose.
If you find yourself feeling trapped by a limiting narrative, consider reaching out to a narrative therapist who can guide you on this journey of self-discovery. Together, you can explore the stories that shape your life and begin to rewrite them in a way that supports your growth and well-being.

Immigrant families often operate in survival mode, prioritizing stability and success to build a better life in their adopted homeland. This drive to “work hard” can unintentionally leave children feeling unseen or neglected. While their parents focus on securing a future, these children may internalize a pressure to excel, embody cultural expectations, and avoid being a burden.
Balancing two cultures often amplifies this stress. Many immigrant children live in the duality of honoring their parents' heritage while assimilating into the dominant culture. This tension can lead to feelings of resentment or anger, as their own desires and identities feel overshadowed by their role as caretakers or cultural translators.

For many children of immigrants, the inner child—the part of us that holds our unmet emotional needs and wounds—remains overlooked. Growing up in environments where practical needs took precedence, emotional needs were often sidelined. Expressions of vulnerability might have been met with dismissive phrases like, “We didn’t leave everything behind for you to complain.”
Over time, this neglect fosters coping mechanisms like people-pleasing or overachieving. Striving for perfection and validation becomes a way to compensate for feeling unseen. However, this constant performance can lead to chronic stress and anxiety, as these individuals suppress their authentic selves to meet external expectations.

Intergenerational trauma—the passing down of unresolved pain and struggles—often plays a significant role in the lives of immigrant families. Parents who experienced hardship, displacement, or loss may unknowingly project their unhealed wounds onto their children. This cycle perpetuates patterns of emotional suppression, fear of failure, and avoidance of vulnerability.
While children of immigrants may recognize the sacrifices their parents made, they might still grapple with feelings of resentment for the emotional care they didn’t receive. This can create a confusing mix of guilt, anger, and loyalty that complicates the path to healing.

Healing begins with acknowledging these struggles and giving voice to the unspoken pain. Reconnecting with the inner child can be a powerful step in recognizing unmet needs and nurturing the parts of oneself that feel neglected.
Here are some strategies to begin the healing process:

1. Seek Therapy: A safe, non-judgmental space to explore feelings of resentment, anger, or anxiety is essential. Therapies like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), EMDR, and inner child work like IFS can help address deep-rooted wounds.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge the sacrifices of your family while holding space for your own pain. It’s possible to honor both truths simultaneously.
3. Set Boundaries: Learning to say “no” to unrealistic cultural or familial expectations can foster a healthier relationship with oneself and others.
4. Engage in Cultural Exploration: Reconnect with your heritage on your own terms, separating it from the pressures placed upon you.
5. Break the Silence: Open dialogues about intergenerational trauma with family members, when possible, to foster understanding and healing.

The journey of a child of immigrants is complex, marked by both challenges and strengths. By addressing the trauma, unmet needs, and emotional burdens they carry, individuals can break the cycle and pave the way for a more balanced and authentic life. Healing is not just an act of self-care but also a gift to future generations, ensuring they inherit resilience rather than unspoken pain.
As you navigate this path, remember: your worth is not defined by how much you achieve or how perfectly you meet expectations. You deserve to be seen, heard, and loved—just as you are.  If you are interested in exploring how therapy can help, book a free 15 min consultation in Coquitlam