Advocating for Yourself Doesn't Make You a "Mean B"

It is incredibly common for people to tell me they have a hard time saying "no."

​Guess what? I used to be right there with them.

​Growing up in a typical Chinese family, saying no to your elders simply wasn't an option. For a child to disagree with an authority figure was often viewed as outright disrespect. As a girl, that expectation weighed even heavier: I was taught that I should be sweet, agreeable, and never push back. I still remember the advice I received when I landed my first office job:

"Just be the sweetest girl."

​Look, I am proud to be a pleasant, considerate person. However, when people intentionally push my boundaries, I no longer believe I have to bend the knee.

The truth is, upholding your boundaries will inevitably disappoint some people. I can deliver a "no" in the nicest, sweetest way possible, but the other person may still feel let down. I’ve had to make peace with the fact that I cannot be everyone's "sweetest girl" every minute of the day. Through experience, I have also learned that not everyone is deserving of my time and effort.

​When someone sits in my office and tells me they struggle to say no, I completely relate. In the past, I said yes to things simply because I didn't know I had the permission to say no. The result? I ended up regretting my decision and secretly resenting the person who asked.

​Now, I recognize that my inability to set boundaries was a me thing. I don't say this to blame myself, but rather to acknowledge that it was an area requiring my attention and inner work.

​Learning how to say no and advocating for yourself is both a skill and an art. It is a lifelong practice of knowing how and when to set appropriate boundaries, and I am incredibly passionate about supporting people as they get there.

It’s not a one-and-done deal. It takes time, context always matters, and it requires giving yourself a lot of grace. But trust me—finding your voice is worth it.

If my story resonates with you and you're ready to start setting boundaries of your own, I’d love to help. Click here to book a free 15-minute consultation.